The Ask Sharon column as it appeared in The Area News on Friday 9 October, 2015.
Following is the full version of the column featured in The Area News complete with the “Help” card from Cheryl Richardson’s Self-Care deck.
THIS week Doreen asks:
“At 82, I limit myself to driving short trips so my daughter has to take me to appointments etc. I’m struggling with having to rely on others. What do you suggest?”
I’m sure your daughter would admit that she is only too happy to take you places. She might even say it’s the least she can do after all the things you’ve done for her. But I suspect that doesn’t make you feel any better.
Cheryl Richardson’s “Help” card conveys it best, “Ask for help. Receiving is an act of generosity.” Many don’t see help in this way, and are even uncomfortable with it, as you have alluded to.
The “Help” card is copyright to Cheryl Richardson, 2001.
Today’s card means that we are being generous of spirit when we receive because to do otherwise is to deny someone else the feeling they get from giving.
We all know that warm and fuzzy feeling we get when we help another in need. Being of service is an admirable quality. So why then when someone reaches out to us or offers help, our natural instinct is to refuse?
Probably the number one reason we decline help is because we don’t want to be a burden to others or inconvenience them. This is where trust is required. We have to learn to trust that if someone has offered to do something for us that they have thought it through and wouldn’t be offering otherwise. A simple thank you will do.
It takes practice to accept help in this way, despite the simplicity of such a gesture. This can be especially hard for people who have given a lot of themselves and are not familiar with accepting help.
Tips on how to reframe our rationale on receiving:
- When someone makes an offer, say “yes” and trust that it has come to you for a reason. Treat it like the gift that it is.
- Visualise a set of scales next time you’re trying to decide whether you’re out of balance in the giving and receiving departments.
- Instead of thinking that you rely on others, consider that you are allowing others to help, which in turn makes them feel good.
It might feel like we’ve come full circle, but see if you can elevate your feeling of frustration to one of mutual love and affection. Consider that what your daughter is doing is showing you that she loves and cares for you. It’s not about pity or obligation, but pure unconditional love.
If all else fails, there’s that Beatles song that would be worth listening to in the car with your daughter to lighten the situation – “When I was younger so much younger than today…”
Send your questions for Sharon to editor@areanews.com.au
Don’t want to ask a question by email? Simply complete the contact form on this blog. Use the message box for your question and it will come directly to me. Only first names will be used unless you complete the form as Anonymous. Ask away…you may be pleasantly surprised by what the cards reveal.
Today’s card has been drawn from the Self-Care Cards. Image and card is copyright to Cheryl Richardson, 2001.
