How to Master the Art of the Reverse Duck and Find Peace

Tomorrow night, I’m going out with my friends to celebrate International Women’s Day 2025. I am looking forward to hearing the messages from guest speaker, tennis superstar, and all-round inspirational woman, Jelena Dokic. A little extra inspiration certainly wouldn’t go astray right now. While I will get “frocked up,” as Nan used to say, and no doubt enjoy myself, I admit, I’m feeling exhausted.

Just this week, a colleague and I were discussing how we would love to be able to crawl back into bed and sleep for a week! It was Tuesday. The two of us were swapping stories about our filled-to-the-brim schedules and how, at times, we felt like we were barely keeping our heads above water, so to speak.

In the previous week alone, I had to juggle:

• A very sick teenager
• A weekend away for a surf lifesaving carnival
• Over 400km of travel from where the carnival was to a swimming championship in country NSW
• Website issues for my business
• Working 28 hours at my other job
• The usual domestic responsibilities: multiple loads of washing, grocery shopping, and cooking
• …and more

On top of that, I mentioned to my friend that there was clutter on every surface of my home, my bedroom was covered in clothes (as I was mid-task finding items that fit after putting on extra weight), and my office looked like it had been ransacked. I also couldn’t remember the last time I’d fed our beloved fish, Charlie!

I was starting to think that something was going to have to give.

Ironically, I mentioned to my daughter that maybe her tennis lessons would be one of our commitments we’d need to set aside, even though I felt the exercise and time with her friends was valuable. I asked myself: Why is it so hard to let go of activities that fill our schedules, even when we know it would give us more breathing space?

The moment that brought all of these thoughts and feelings to the surface was when I realised I had completely missed my daughter’s parent-teacher interview! Not once, in 11 years of schooling, had I missed either of the kids’ parent-teacher meetings, but now my oversight had represented yet another straw that should’ve broke the proverbial camel’s back.

But then, something strange happened.

Due to a series of serendipitous moments and delays that defied logic–all stemming from missing the parent-teacher interview–I came across a multi-car accident on my way to work. As the police officer waved me through and the ambulance officers attended to those involved in the accident, I knew that, in some way, I’d been lucky and given a chance to take stock.

It was during that drive to work that I realised that, despite what could be described as external chaos, I had been feeling a sense of calm throughout my week. Looking back, as each challenge presented itself to me, it was as though I had a tape playing in my brain reminding me to “breathe in and breathe out.”

Let’s face it, when life gives you moments where stress can spiral, sometimes all you have is your breath. That’s when we get to choose freedom over being frazzled.

So, on that drive, I began ruminating over my challenges and connecting-the-dots.

With hindsight, I was able to see how I handled my outer circumstances in each moment to bring a sense of peace and calm. This week, I was presented with a new way of looking things–which I like to call the “reverse duck.”

Stay with me.

Imagine the classic image of a duck gliding gracefully across a pond, its smooth, serene surface seemingly untouched by the world around it. Beneath the water, however, the duck’s legs are paddling furiously, working tirelessly to keep it moving. It’s a powerful image of how, on the outside, everything can look calm, while underneath, there’s a flurry of activity and stress.

But lately I’d experienced the reverse. On the outside, I may appear to be moving fast–juggling multiple tasks and feeling like I’m constantly racing against time. There might be chaos in my schedule, a thousand things pulling at my attention, and the pressure of everything piling up. Yet inside, there’s a quiet centre–a sense of calm, a steely resolve that anchors me. While my external world might be in overdrive, internally, I’m not spiralling.

I’ve noticed a steady, grounded presence that keeps me focused, even when things are moving quickly around me. This is my version of the reverse duck–a calm core in the midst of outward turbulence.

It hasn’t always been this way.

I suspect years of soul-searching, self-help, meditation, writing, regular self-care routines, deep conversations with friends and family, and a metric tonne of healing practices have helped me get to this place.

As I looked back at my week, I could see how I handled each task with a positive attitude and purposeful action.

• When my son was sick, I organised naturopathic drops, cold and flu meds, and plenty of rest while giving him extra TLC.
• The weekend away, while busy, gave me the opportunity to spend time with friends, and I made sure to take some moments for myself without feeling guilty–because otherwise, what’s the point?
• The travel was tiring, but I realised I had valuable one-on-one time with my daughter in the car. We listened to our favourite tunes and connected on a deeper level.
• I took an extra hour to focus on my website issues, and while they’re still not completely resolved, I felt empowered as I began to figure things out for myself.
• At work, I focused on one thing at a time and re-prioritised as needed. By the end of each day, I felt a sense of progress.
• When I thought about the extra weight I’d gained, I knew berating myself wasn’t the answer, but a sense of perspective was. While the scales may have gone up, I came to a new level of appreciation for my body and how it serves me each day. I came to the same conclusion when looking at my stuff and arrived at a sense of gratitude for everything I have.
• On the domestic front, I only had to think of the people of QLD and northern NSW (including my mum, brother, dad, and his partner Collette), who are preparing for and enduring the havoc from Cyclone Alfred. Next-level perspective.

Coincidentally, this past week–almost a year to the day of her diagnosis–one of my dearest friends announced she was cancer-free. As if that didn’t give me the ultimate sense of perspective!

Then, in a poetic turn of events, when I was debating whether to put the time and energy into writing this piece, I spoke to a friend at our weekly cuppa catch-up. I noticed she was wearing a badge displaying the words: “A lot going on at the moment.” And just like that, it was as though the universe was giving me a direct signal to write. Clearly, other people–especially mothers with overflowing plates–are dealing with the same issues. In that instant, I decided I had to write this.

It wasn’t just about me anymore.

Writing this has given me the chance to explore deeper feelings sparked by my personal experiences, which I’m seeing firsthand are more commonplace. That makes this a conversation worth having. I’ve realised you can absolutely feel exhausted and still have peace.

In fact, peace isn’t about having boundless energy or arbitrary perfection; it’s about a state of being that exists even amidst exhaustion. Exhaustion is a physical and mental state, while peace is a deeper emotional or spiritual condition.

True peace isn’t dependent on external circumstances or energy levels. It’s something deeper that remains steady even in moments of fatigue. It’s about an underlying sense of calm, trust, and acceptance, even when you are physically or mentally spent.

In our busy, frantic lives, it is possible to embrace where you are, let go of resistance to the moment, and trust that things are unfolding as they need to. So, when life feels overwhelming and you’re juggling chaos, remember the reverse duck. Beneath the surface, it’s the calm that keeps you afloat.

Top Three Tips for Finding Calm in Chaos

1. Anchor Yourself with Your Breath I’ve found that when life feels overwhelming, something as simple as focusing on my breath can make all the difference. A quiet mantra of “breathe in, breathe out” helps me centre myself and stay grounded, no matter how chaotic things get. It’s a small yet powerful tool that’s always with me.
2. See Challenges as Opportunities to Connect or Grow This week, I realised that even the most hectic moments can hold hidden gifts. Long car rides with my daughter turned into valuable one-on-one time, and tackling website issues gave me a chance to feel accomplished. By reframing these challenges, I’ve discovered meaningful moments amidst the chaos.
3. Accept Imperfection and Embrace the Present Moment I’ve learnt to let go of resistance—to the clutter at home, to missed appointments, and to the pressure of trying to do it all. When I stop fighting the moment and embrace where I am, I find a surprising sense of peace and clarity. It’s not about having everything in order; it’s about focusing on what truly matters.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, struggling with your mental health, or simply need someone to talk to, please remember you’re not alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional who can offer support. There is help available, and taking that first step can make all the difference.